Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
