the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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