What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
