there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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