I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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