I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
