He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
