Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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