the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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