I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
