But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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