It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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