wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The feeling are messing with the penis
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
