I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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