Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
