My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
