I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
