this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
