i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
