Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dicks are not precious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
