3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
