So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
