Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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