I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We had sex on a dog bed..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
