i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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