i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
