I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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