you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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