I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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