Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
