We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
