i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
