a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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