Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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