You work out of a Hotel?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just tell him i said nine months
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
