There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
