if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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