Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
