i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
