I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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