It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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