oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
