Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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