Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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