"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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