I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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