It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
