He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
