Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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