Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
