i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
